the life i live
the shit that happens to me
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Lady Glancer
I am officially changing my name to Lady Glancer. (Said with a proper accent.) This right is here is the funniest shit I’ve heard in a minute. The funniest pick up ever. Proceed…………………
Last night I went to The Russell, black owned chic little loungey bar. Went with the parents and two friends. We’re chatting it up, having drinks and dessert, when we’re politely interrupted by a well rehearsed live commercial by an artsy poetic snaggle toothed gentleman. In a rhymey, confident and well poised nature he goes on to promote, “At the Russell” presents “Love Jones @ The Russell” Monday nights at The Russell. I’m Shaboo and I am one of the poets on Monday nights at The Russell.” So my big mouth friend opens her mouth and says, “since you’re a poet, why don’t you do a poem for us.” Nervous about being put on the spot, somehow Shaboo was able to pull something out of his ass. He says, “this is one of my favorites,” and proceeds to go on for about 5 minutes straight about God knows what. I knew if I looked around and made eye contact with my family it would have been over. Unstoppable laughter would have broken out. But instead everyone sat there with a blank stare, wondering when this man would shut up. At one point my mother looked like she would fall asleep. So here it is, the part where I woke up, at the conclusion of this impromptu performance, the man goes around the table asking everyone their name, then he says, “I have hand written an invitation for you to come by on Monday nights for Love Jones at The Russell. I think I’m going to give it to the one here that admires the architecture, I couldn’t help but notice how you were admiring the architecture around here, or was it me that you were glancing at? Here you go Lady Glancer.” This snaggle tooth fool was talking to me. He just called me Lady Glancer. He walked over and handed me a piece of paper with the info about Love Jones and walked away. Hilarious, everyone was crackin the hell up.
So when we’re about to leave, Shaboo attacks me at the door, and the family left me in there alone with him.
Shaboo: So Lady Glancer. You’re a mystery to me. Your eyes are the mysterious depths to your soul, blah blah blah something something something, like the mountains of Kilimanjaro in Africa blah blah blah………….
Me: …..blank stare……….
Shaboo: What do you say to that?
Me: I don’t know, what do you say to that?
Shaboo: You don’t know what to say huh? Say, let me get your beeper number, your cell, your myspace…..
Me: Umm (trying to be polite) I don’t think I would say that.
Shaboo: As you can see, I’m pretty forward.
Me: I can see.
Shaboo: Well you can inquire about me further via the internet, I left my email address on the back of that piece of paper. Do you still have it?
Me: uh, yeah (I’m not gonna use it)
Shaboo: Well it was nice to meet you Lady Glancer, take care.
Me: Ok, bye.
I get in the car, and look at this invite. Ol dude really did leave his email address. He had intentions when he came over to the table. Dude already knew he was gonna make moves. So get this, dude’s email is something African @2egypt.com. Although he seemed to be very intelligent, well poised, and confident, he was a little too eclectic from my taste. Stace I don’t know your type but I feel like you might like him. He’s an artist and he seemed kinda Delanoish to me.
Last night I went to The Russell, black owned chic little loungey bar. Went with the parents and two friends. We’re chatting it up, having drinks and dessert, when we’re politely interrupted by a well rehearsed live commercial by an artsy poetic snaggle toothed gentleman. In a rhymey, confident and well poised nature he goes on to promote, “At the Russell” presents “Love Jones @ The Russell” Monday nights at The Russell. I’m Shaboo and I am one of the poets on Monday nights at The Russell.” So my big mouth friend opens her mouth and says, “since you’re a poet, why don’t you do a poem for us.” Nervous about being put on the spot, somehow Shaboo was able to pull something out of his ass. He says, “this is one of my favorites,” and proceeds to go on for about 5 minutes straight about God knows what. I knew if I looked around and made eye contact with my family it would have been over. Unstoppable laughter would have broken out. But instead everyone sat there with a blank stare, wondering when this man would shut up. At one point my mother looked like she would fall asleep. So here it is, the part where I woke up, at the conclusion of this impromptu performance, the man goes around the table asking everyone their name, then he says, “I have hand written an invitation for you to come by on Monday nights for Love Jones at The Russell. I think I’m going to give it to the one here that admires the architecture, I couldn’t help but notice how you were admiring the architecture around here, or was it me that you were glancing at? Here you go Lady Glancer.” This snaggle tooth fool was talking to me. He just called me Lady Glancer. He walked over and handed me a piece of paper with the info about Love Jones and walked away. Hilarious, everyone was crackin the hell up.
So when we’re about to leave, Shaboo attacks me at the door, and the family left me in there alone with him.
Shaboo: So Lady Glancer. You’re a mystery to me. Your eyes are the mysterious depths to your soul, blah blah blah something something something, like the mountains of Kilimanjaro in Africa blah blah blah………….
Me: …..blank stare……….
Shaboo: What do you say to that?
Me: I don’t know, what do you say to that?
Shaboo: You don’t know what to say huh? Say, let me get your beeper number, your cell, your myspace…..
Me: Umm (trying to be polite) I don’t think I would say that.
Shaboo: As you can see, I’m pretty forward.
Me: I can see.
Shaboo: Well you can inquire about me further via the internet, I left my email address on the back of that piece of paper. Do you still have it?
Me: uh, yeah (I’m not gonna use it)
Shaboo: Well it was nice to meet you Lady Glancer, take care.
Me: Ok, bye.
I get in the car, and look at this invite. Ol dude really did leave his email address. He had intentions when he came over to the table. Dude already knew he was gonna make moves. So get this, dude’s email is something African @2egypt.com. Although he seemed to be very intelligent, well poised, and confident, he was a little too eclectic from my taste. Stace I don’t know your type but I feel like you might like him. He’s an artist and he seemed kinda Delanoish to me.
5 Comments:
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no you didn't shout me out on this!!!!! OMFG I'm DYING!!!! ASHLI!!!! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLOL
I was already tripping out abt the mountains of kilamajaro *lol*...
Ashli, I can't believe you!!!! if you knew anything abt me, you'd know i actually don't like poetry!!! lololol as a matter of fact, my type of artist is MUSICIAN! LMAO!!!!!!!!
Ashli, that was great lol
"So get this, dude’s email is something African @2egypt.com"
**falls out of chair and laughs hysterically"
I DID read this correctly! Tell the truth, u know you were glancing around because he was boring the hell out of you...he should've realized that. And The 5 minute impromtu....u better than me and my folks. We ig'nant. We would've told him to stop after thirty seconds and said something like "Thank you. Dismissed. No really, you can go now."
**rereads posts and laughs at the Pressed Patrick/Stalker Stan guy again**
Darnit, I need ot come by here more often, this was a good azz post!
you will NOT go by lady glancer!! lmao!! oh the hilarity. why are there always a million folk like that at the russell?? i think i'm a mite scared of that place.
and i know that friend who yelled out had to be tisa!!! hahahaha. that's what y'all get for encouraging him.